Many couples choose to wait until after they’ve tied the knot to move in together. The idea can be a little intimidating, but there are several things you can do to prepare. If you’ve decided to wait until after you’re married to start living together, there are some of questions to ask each other and things to work out beforehand. Communicating with your partner about the following topics will help you and your spouse keep the magic from your wedding going even after you come back from your honeymoon!
1. Household Maintenance
You don’t need to come up with a specific list of who will be responsible for what, but you do need to get on the same page about the level of cleanliness that you will expect from one another. Maybe one of you prefers to cook, which might mean the other partner will do the dishes. Work out who will mow the lawn, and who will be respnsioble for making sure the yard is taken care of. Work out these sorts of arrangements logically in advance so that resentments don’t start to build when one person ends up doing more than they think is fair.
2. Safety Around the Home
If one of you grew up leaving all the doors unlocked and the other feels unsafe when they’re alone, you’ll need to talk about this and come to an understanding about to secure your home. Talk about what kind of features are important in your home like carbon monoxide detectors, smoke alarms, and other safety necessities like fire extinguishers and new locks for your home. Talk about who will be responsible for upkeep on these and work together to make sure these are all set for your move in date. You might also consider having an emergency plan in place – discuss what this plan is and what your approach will be. Put a 72-hour emergency kit together to get started.
3. Home Security
Pick a home or renters insurance plan for your home together and talk about security systems that will make you feel most secure. Choose a security system together, and talk about what safety features are most important for each of you. This system finder tool can help you find the right system to keep the person you love most safe and secure.
A very common sore spot in many marriages is money. Talk honestly and openly about each of your incomes, any outstanding debts you carry, and how you would like to spend and save during your married lives. Talk about any financial planning you’ve done and would like to do, and consider reaching out to a professional together when the time is right. Talk about your spending habits and what’s important to you when spending the money you’ve earned. Consider each others financial choices and talk about you can help each other make better financial decisions. Whether you choose to keep separate accounts or share everything, this should be all figured out before you say “I do.”
5. Real Life
There is going to be an adjustment period as you start living together. Even if you’ve lived with roommates prior to getting married, living with your partner is a different situation. Habits of your partner may start to wear on you, and the expectations you may have had about domestic life might not be what you thought. If you start to feel irritated by your spouse’s habits or if certain needs of yours aren’t being met, make sure to communicate with your partner before it turns into a huge issue. Remember, it’s OK to have your own space or to have time by yourself and still have a healthy marriage.
You might also start thinking about having children in the near future. Hopefully, you’ve talked to your spouse about this before you got married so you have an idea of how many children you both want and when you’d want to start trying. Take time to also discuss parenting styles and how you envision raising your children together. Thinking about having kids can be a little scary, but with the right tools and preparation, it can help you and your partner become a family and grow even closer to each other.
What other topics do you think are important to discuss with your partner about sharing a home?