How to Talk to Your Parents about a Medical Alert System

Mom had a fall in the bathroom and broke her wrist, and now you worry that it's just a matter of time before something worse happens. Neither of you is ready for in-home care yet, and a medical alert system would help keep her safe and give you some peace of mind. But you're not sure of her response if you bring it up.

If talking with your aging parents about health and safety issues leaves you feeling anxious, you're not alone.

We understand that it's a tricky conversation to have, so we've put together a step-by-step guide to help you talk to the ones you love about the potential benefits of medical alert systems. As you try to understand things from their point of view and share your own thoughts in a considerate way, you can keep lines of communication open, which is a positive thing for everyone involved.

Most older adults start experiencing health troubles around the same time their grown children are parenting children of their own or are new empty nesters. This generational situation sometimes translates to adult children treating their aging parents like their kids.

It's usually more of a subconscious role reversal than an intentional one, but it's important to recognize when it may be happening and to try to be more of an advocate and a partner than a parent.

Before you approach your parent to propose a medical alarm, try to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine one of your children coming to you to suggest a medical alert system. You probably wouldn't want them to take on a parental role or treat you as if you needed constant monitoring. Your parent's response will depend a lot on the amount of respect you show them.

The first step toward a strong partnership with your parent is to open lines of communication. Try not to go into a conversation about health and safety with the goal of convincing your mom or dad that they need a medical alert system. Keep in mind that their experiences might be different from yours and that they may have their own ideas and solutions that are just as valid.

Instead, try to understand their current feelings and comfort levels.

Ask simple, open-ended questions like "What do you think might happen if you had another fall like this one?" or "What do you think about medical alert systems?"

Listen to their response with an open mind, validate their feelings without judgment, and ask follow-up questions. "You think medical alert systems are a waste of money? You have a good point. They can definitely be expensive. Tell me more about why you think they're not worth the cost."

After you've heard them out, it's okay to bring up your own thoughts and concerns, but try to frame them as observations: "A friend told me her mom got a medical alert system and now she feels like she has a lot more freedom," or, "Alert devices are a lot more discreet than they used to be."

As you discuss, make note of the areas where you and your parent agree so you can build on those points later.

Once you've gotten an idea of how your parents might feel about a medical alert system, suggest that you both do some research. If they feel comfortable with the idea of an alert device, your research can include finding out which are the best medical alert systems for your parent's needs.

Consider features like two-way communication, professional monitoring, and emergency buttons. Other important factors to consider are battery life, whether it’s waterproof, activation fees, and response times.

Encourage your parent to talk to other older adults that use medical alert systems to find out which works for them.

If your parent’s initial response to a medical alert system is negative, make a list of questions and concerns you both have. Ask your parent to help you do some research so you can both find some answers to your questions.

Set a time to talk again so that you can both stay on track and keep the discussion going. Keep in mind that with things like medical alert systems, sometimes it just takes time to get used to the idea. Be patient.

One reason your parent might be resistant to a medical alarm system is because they associate them with the lady in the old Life Alert commercial who had fallen and couldn't get up.

Understanding how far medical monitoring services have come and learning about the high-tech features included in today's alert devices—like GPS location, discreet waterproof pendants, medication reminders, and temperature and carbon monoxide sensors—might open up communication.

If time, discussions, and research are still leaving you at an impasse, ask your parent, "Can you help me find a good solution that neither of us has thought of yet but that will make us both happy?"

This approach essentially cancels out both of your positions on medical alert systems and opens a new chapter where you're working together toward a compromise.

Compromises might include keeping the medical alert system in the bathroom, or only wearing it when home alone.

Or, you might check out alternatives to a medical alert system.

• A security system with a panic button or pendant
• A cell phone with GPS and emergency assistance
• An app like Noonlight, that connects your parent to monitored help 24/7
• Safety wearables for specific concerns or needs
• A security camera with two-way talk and mobile alerts
• A smart hub like Amazon Echo that can call for help using voice commands

Just remember that there are a lot of points on the spectrum between medical alert system and no medical alert system.

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1. National Institutes of Health, "Slipping and Tripping: Fall Injuries in Adults Associated with Rugs and Carpets"